


Upgrade

by Dokuhan



Series: Upgrade [2]
Category: THE iDOLM@STER
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bonding, Dubious Consent, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Feelings Realization, Forced Bonding, Kid Fic, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Verse, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-01-03 07:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21176009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dokuhan/pseuds/Dokuhan
Summary: Hideo is sure he has his life completely in order. He's making a good life for himself and his son, and even if there are a few bumps along the way, he'll make it through. Too bad everything is going to change again.Ryu is realizing he wants things he's never considered before, but he doesn't think he really deserves them. He can't help but wonder what things would be like if things were different. Fate wants to push things.It takes one medical mishap to set a new course in life, and they're ready to take the challenge.





	1. Chapter 1

Hideo had a wide variety of ringtones.

It wasn’t something blatantly obvious. In fact, it had taken Ryu almost a month to notice. When he’d asked about it, just because some of them had seemed a little out of place, it had been kind of a reasonable explanation.

“I wasn’t allowed to have my phone on me when I would work in the box, and when I was training the dogs I couldn’t always look at it. So, I figured if I kept it loud enough, I could use them to decide if the call was important enough to answer.” He pulled out his phone to scroll through the list. It was actually very extensive; Ryu hadn’t realized there could be so many that weren’t completely obnoxious.

There was the standard one that was automatically set up, for regular, possibly not-as-important calls. The traditional school bell was reserved for Katsuhiko’s kindergarten. His parents and grandparents had a rapid beeping noise while his siblings had chimes – Hideo explained that they all preferred to use LINE if they needed to talk, so if he heard either, it was probably an urgent call or something related to his son. Finally, there was a taiko drum for the office, a whistle for Seiji, and a knock-off Zelda tone for Ryu.

It was a good system. Hideo couldn’t turn off his phone during lessons for obvious reasons, but it would be disruptive if he had to look at it every time it rang – which wasn’t very often after the first couple of weeks, but it was still good to know. When they started picking up regular jobs, it might not work the same way, but they’d cross that bridge when they came to it.

Occasionally, those ringtones were a welcome break in the day, like the couple of times they’d been interrupted by a beep or a chime because someone from the Akuno family had gone to pick up Katsuhiko – who, like any small child, sometimes wanted to tell his dad about his day right away. Ryu enjoyed those calls a lot, because Hideo’s face would light up with a genuine smile he couldn’t quite muster up on command and something about that tugged at his chest. He still wasn’t quite sure _what _that feeling was, just that he wanted to feel it even more.

But there was one ringtone Ryu quickly decided that he never wanted to hear again.

They were in the midst of practicing for their first TV appearance when it happened. The three of them had gotten most of the choreography for their first single down pat, physically demanding as it was. With the intense coordination though, it was still hard to keep in time with each other, so the whole thing was a bit frustrating. It was early in the afternoon and they had the rest of the day ahead of them.

Seiji was trying to explain a part he was having a hard time understanding, doing his best to demonstrate as the choreographer suggested adjustments, “If you bend down a bit more, then maybe—” she started, before being interrupted by a loud, irritating buzzing noise. “Akuno-san, must you leave your phone on?”

Hideo paled a bit, although Ryu wasn’t sure if it was from being scolded or something else. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, even though they’d gone over why several times. Still he made his way over to his bag and pulled out his phone. He sounded a little annoyed when he answered, “Hello?” He paused for a bit, before scowling. “They didn’t call me, I can’t answer if they don’t call me first…I didn’t want you as an emergency contact either, but it’s not like we had a choice…I’m looking at my phone right now, _they didn’t call me_.”

Ryu frowned, and dabbed at his face with the towel around his neck. It was probably rude, but he couldn’t help but eavesdrop.

“I’m at practice and I didn’t bring a car. It’ll take more time for me to try and find someone or get down there by train. You can pick him up and drop him off to me.” Hideo rolled his eyes and moved the phone away from his ear as the person on the other side continued to grumble. He moved it back to his face with a roll of his eyes, clearly far too used to this kind of exchange. “Are you done? Hikaru, you can take two hours out of your day to be a decent human being – I know you have the time, don’t give me that…then find the car seat. I gave you one for a reason…fine, I’ll give you the gas money. Just get there and pick him up. I’ll email you the address.” He let out a harsh sigh and pulled the phone away from his head, typing furiously.

Feeling there wouldn’t be any harm in asking, Ryu reached out. “Hideo-san, is something wrong?”

“A pipe burst at the kindergarten and everything’s flooding, so they’re calling everyone to pick up their kids. They’re _supposed_ to call me first, and then I could have probably called someone else, but they called Hikaru instead.” He stood back up and pocketed his phone before rubbing at his face, “I don’t want Katsuhiko to be left waiting for too long and Hikaru works from home, so I figured this would be easier, but even asking that is too much. Never mind that I’m going to have to figure out how to get us back to Kanagawa later anyway.”

“Would it be easier if we stopped?” Seiji asked, although he was looking a bit wary of the idea himself. Their appearance was in a few days, and they were still having a hard time getting ready. Stopping wasn’t really going to fit into the schedule, but if they had to, they would make it work.

Hideo was quick to wave his hands, “No, we can keep going. I don’t want to hold anybody else back. It would take more time for me to get there anyway. If it gets too late, I’ll rent a car or take a taxi.” He took his place in front of the mirror, clearly determined to get back to work even though he was probably very worried. “Can we start from the beginning again? I feel like I keep coming in too early. Maybe that’s what’s messing things up.”

Practice was still tense, but it finally started to come together. When Hideo’s phone rang again an hour later, he ran out to the common space. The choreographer just sighed and told them to take an hour to rest or go eat. Ryu and Seiji thanked her before quickly making their way out as well.

Hideo looked a bit impatient as he waited by the door, so Ryu took a seat on one of the couches. If Ryu was going to be honest with himself, he was kind of curious to see what kind of a person Hikaru was. Hideo had only given them the bare details – in that he was a beta, only involved out of certain obligations, and that they’d been together through high school – but never seemed to elaborate on any of it. If that phone call was worth anything, he was probably also a giant douchebag. He had to be if he was so insistent on having so little to do with a guy like Hideo.

Seiji leaned forward against the back of the couch, opening a fresh bottle of water. “This guy better not try anything,” he mentioned, under his breath, “he sounds like a real winner.”

Ryu just hummed, his attention firmly on the door as it opened up.

Katsuhiko was the first to come running in, happily greeting Hideo as he ran into his open arms. He bounced a little as he explained, “_Touchan_! Hana-sensei went into the bathroom and then all of a sudden there was water everywhere! It was like a really big swimming pool. They wouldn’t let us play in it though.”

Hideo nodded, probably listening very intently, “I’m glad they didn’t. It’s dirtier than a swimming pool.” He stuck his tongue out making a disgusted face, “You don’t want to swim in toilet water, right?”

“No! It’s yucky!”

Another voice joined in, “They probably just could have moved them to another classroom. It wasn’t that bad.” The man, Hikaru most likely, was standing at the doorway with his arms crossed and a put-out expression. He was just a little taller than Hideo, but probably only slightly shorter than Ryu, and dressed very casually. What really stood out was his bleached hair, fried at the tips and closer to orange at the roots, that was tied up in a sloppy bun.

“If they’re sending everyone home, it’s probably more than one pipe. I’ll have to see if they’re open tomorrow.”

“Your grandmother is going to watch him, right? Or you’ll take off work?”

Oh yeah, this guy was definitely a douchebag. Ryu felt his eyes roll into the back of his head and Seiji took a long sip of his water.

“Can we not talk about this now?” Hideo turned his attention back to Katsuhiko, trying to smile even though it seemed a little strained. “How was it in _Otousan’s_ car?”

Katsuhiko shrugged, averting his eyes, “Usually _Baachan_ or _Hiiobaa _picks me up.”

“It was kind of last minute, sorry, Katsu-chan. But, you get to spend the rest of the day with me.”

“Hideo, can we hurry this up? I have work to do.”

Hideo squinted at him, standing back up. “Fine, my wallet is in my bag. Shingen, Ryu – do you mind watching him for a second?”

Seiji straightened himself out, answering with just a bit of an edge, “No problem, we’d be more than happy to. We want to hear all about Katsuhiko-kun’s day at school.”

Ryu patted the seat next to him. “I bet you did a lot of fun things before all that water came into the room, huh?” He noticed that Katsuhiko looked a little reluctant as he walked over, but still helped him up onto the couch.

Seemly aware of what they were trying to do, Hikaru gave them a dirty look as he followed Hideo into the practice room and shut the door.

It was a little petty, but Seiji and Ryu did genuinely want Hideo to feel like they accepted this part of his life. While they had only just met recently, they were friends first and foremost, and this is what friends did for each other. But they had to admit that it was a little awkward. This was only their third time with Katsuhiko, and the first without Hideo to push things along. He was already a pretty shy kid, but at that moment he seemed much more reserved.

Even while he was trying to talk about his day – how he was learning to count past 20 and the picture he was coloring with his friends before the flood – he kept looking over Ryu’s lap towards the door. He fidgeted a bit and squirmed in his seat, a scrunched up look on his face.

Eventually, it got to Ryu enough for him to ask, “Hey, Katsuhiko-kun, it’s alright. Your dad will be out in no time, and we’ll grab something to eat. That sounds fun, right?”

Katsuhiko turned to him, giving him this look that looked far too serious for someone his age. Honestly it was a little funny, like looking at a tiny, irritated Hideo. He could swear there was almost nothing of Hikaru in this kid. Still, it wasn’t a laughing matter as he crossed his arms and flatly said, “I don’t like him.”

Ryu felt his eyebrows rise, “You don’t?”

He shook his head, continuing, “He made _Touchan_ cry and he’s mean.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! He makes everyone sad when he comes over, so I don’t want him to anymore. Everyone says he has to. I don’t get it!” He looked up at them. “Also, his hair looks crunchy.”

Seiji looked like he was trying to hold back his laughter, but it came out a bit as he spoke, “I think he’ll get mad if you tell him that.”

“He said I was being a brat. But it’s so crunchy. I’m glad I don’t have crunchy hair.”

“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that.”

“I bet it’s like noodles.”

Crunchy hair aside, Ryu couldn’t help but dwell a little bit on what he’d just heard. Obviously Hikaru was a jerk. They’d known that before they’d even met him, but he wondered what he could have done to be classified as mean. Ryu knew that Hikaru wasn’t around on an everyday basis, but maybe there was a reason for that. But Hideo had also mentioned that they had broken up years ago.

It wasn’t even his business, why did he care so much?

“We’re not done talking!” Hikaru’s voice came through the door, harsh and accusatory.

“Well, I am. I’m at work. We’re not having this conversation here.” The door to the practice room opened and Hideo walked out, “Didn’t you say you have to get back to work?”

“Oh, so it’s okay for you to brush me off after I did you a favor and picked up your kid?”

Hideo whipped his head around, “Not here, Hikaru. I have maybe half an hour left in my break and I don’t have time to fight with you. Go.”

Hikaru clicked his tongue but didn’t bother to say much else. He pushed his way past Hideo and didn’t even acknowledge Katsuhiko, the front door slammed shut behind him.

Hideo let out a long breath and let his shoulders drop, “Sorry, you guys shouldn’t have seen that.” He looked up at the clock, “Do you think we can get another hour if we ask? I’d like to actually sit down and eat something.”

“Let me see what I can do,” Seiji answered, he made his way over and put a hand on Hideo’s shoulder. “Extenuating circumstances, right? Also, don’t worry about him. He has crunchy hair.”

“…what?”

“The crunchiest,” Ryu agreed, “right, Katsuhiko-kun?”

“Crunch, crunch, crunch.” Katsuhiko flexed his hands like he was crushing something in between them.

“Remind me to never leave him alone with you two ever again.”

* * *

Lunch passed by mostly uneventfully. They didn’t run into anybody else on their way to Penny’s, which saved them from any more awkward interactions. Hideo seemed more occupied with making sure Katsuhiko ate his food than eating his own meal, so Seiji took over trying to help. Ryu felt guilty not doing the same, but he couldn’t seem to get his mind off everything that had just happened. He felt like he was in a constant loop of wanting to know more, but also realizing it might not be his place to ask, while also wondering why he felt so strongly to begin with.

It didn’t pass by the time they made it back to the office. They still had a lot of practice ahead of them, so Ryu figured there wouldn’t really be a chance to ask anyway.

He and Seiji headed into the practice room first, slowly warming themselves back up. Hideo had to put Katsuhiko down for a nap in the common area, where he couldn’t be woken up from background music or singing. No one would want to deal with an over-exhausted five-year-old and it was already a very overwhelming day for everyone involved. A few extra minutes wouldn’t make or break anything.

When the choreographer joined them again, Hideo still wasn’t back. Seiji was quick to cover and brought up that he was still not sure what he wanted to do during the instrumental break, when they each got a moment to do a solo move. Ryu looked over the choreographer’s shoulder, giving a “thank you” signal before shuffling out of the room to let Hideo know they had to get started.

Hideo sat on one of the couches, facing away from the door. Ryu didn’t want to scare him, or worse, wake up Katsuhiko, and tried his best to quietly tip-toe over. Except he somehow managed to trip over his own feet, knocking into the back of the couch as he tried to catch himself. He tensed up immediately, ready to apologize before Hideo shushed him.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly, but not at a volume where he was whispering, “he sleeps like a log once he gets comfortable.” He nodded down at Katsuhiko, who was almost on his stomach and using Hideo’s sweatshirt as a blanket. Hideo gently rubbed at his back, “I’m just taking a minute. It’s been kind of a day.”

“Tell me about it,” Ryu mumbled, moving to sit on the edge of the coffee table. “Is he going to sleep the rest of the time?”

“I’ll probably wake him up in an hour, hour-and-a-half. Unless he gets up on his own. If we’re still practicing he’ll probably watch for a bit, but I don’t think any kid can sit for that long.”

“Ah, yeah, we should probably wrap up as soon as we can today.” Ryu wasn’t exactly sure if he really wanted that, though. He enjoyed idol activities a lot, much to his surprise, and doing them with Hideo and Seiji made it all the better. But he wasn’t exactly sure if he wanted to go back to practicing either. There was something very…relaxing about this moment. The three of them, sitting in silence. He kind of wanted it to last for a little while longer.

Hideo let his hand drop away from Katsuhiko’s back. “I need to apologize to both of you for earlier, by the way. I was trying to keep it private, but I wound up getting annoyed and you had to see our argument.”

Ryu shrugged, “It happens. Seiji-san will probably say the same thing.” He leaned back a bit, kicking his foot at the ground. Well, it was now or never, right? “Hideo-san, I’m sorry if this is too personal. Has Hikaru-san…is he…Katsuhiko-kun doesn’t seem to like him very much.”

“They don’t know each other very well. I can’t really do much about that—”

“He said Hikaru-san made you cry.”

There he went again, crossing lines he probably wasn’t supposed to. Ryu had done it when he asked if Hideo and Hikaru had bonded, and now he was doing it again. Involving himself in family drama he didn’t have an actual place in.

“I mean, obviously he has…” Hideo answered, carefully. “He dumped me when I told him I was pregnant, so I cried about that. There were other moments along the way, but Katsuhiko has never seen…oh, wait. I know what he’s talking about.” He frowned and looked back down at Katsuhiko, “Five is usually when they start remembering stuff, I should keep that in mind.”

“What happened?”

“It was this past New Year’s. Hikaru is supposed to at least show his face for holidays and Katsuhiko’s birthday, but it was getting late and he hadn’t shown up yet. I was already kind of annoyed with him because he missed Katsuhiko’s _shichi-go-san_ ceremony – so I sent him an email.” Hideo looked a bit uncomfortable, “When he finally did show up, he had obviously been out drinking with his friends and I told him not to bother. Then we wound up arguing again and he took a swing at me.”

“What?!” Ryu almost shot up, feeling the sudden instinct to go all the way to Kanagawa and knock out Hikaru’s teeth.

Hideo shushed him again, continuing, “I dodged it, don’t worry. Then I grabbed him, held his arm behind his back, and reminded him that if he was going to assault a cop, I’d throw his ass in jail. Scared the crap out of him. I’ve always been physically stronger, but he forgets that a lot.” He sighed, “After he left, it was kind of like, I had this realization. In a way, I’d always been kind of holding out on this stupid idea that he’d see the light and we’d be a family – but that’s not going to happen. I don’t even think I really want that anymore anyway. Still, it hurts to let go of your first love, you know?”

The thing is, Ryu didn’t know. Not that he had never been in love. He just didn’t understand how someone like _Hideo_ could be so caught up in someone like _Hikaru_. How the two of them could have ever matched up and been intimate enough to make a child together. Hikaru was someone that couldn’t seem to appreciate how lucky he’d been to have somebody so great in his life – a man that dedicated himself not only to his own son, but to making other kids feel like they always had someone to turn to. A man that was hard working and cared so deeply.

It was only then that Ryu realized what had been building up inside of him all day, boiling just under the surface of his skin. It was jealousy. He was jealous of the fact he hadn’t come into Hideo’s life years sooner, that they had been born in different prefectures and different years. He was jealous of the fact that Hikaru had this opportunity at a happy family with a wonderful life-mate and an amazing kid. Ryu wanted to snatch that away and appreciate it for all it was worth.

That wasn’t possible, though. He and Hideo worked together. If Ryu’s feelings weren’t reciprocated it would just cause problems before anything could even start. He’d promised along with Seiji to help Hideo take FRAME to the top, and he couldn’t ruin that over something so simple. It was more likely that Hideo would want someone else, anyway. Someone that he felt was more ready to take on the task of building a family.

But, god, he wanted it more than he’d ever wanted something before.

“Okay, I’ve wasted enough time.” Hideo stood back up. “Let’s get back to practice.”

“Yeah, okay.” Ryu got up from his seat on the coffee table, eyes trailing down to Katsuhiko before following Hideo back to the practice room. He pushed his feelings deep down, into a box that he knew needed to stay closed. It was for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So at the behest of my friend, I'm folding what was supposed to be a two-shot into the main story. I'm trying to play it close to the cuff right now about everything that's going to happen, so some tags will be added later - BUT I am warning in advance there will be a moment of mutually dubious consent. I'm not 100% sure if we're going to get any actual smut, though. 
> 
> Shout out again to [psiten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/psiten/) for beta-ing and discussing this with me. And then Chrissy for giving it the final once over. Bless.


	2. Chapter 2

If Hideo were being honest with himself, he would have had the foresight to see this coming. He’d gotten a little too caught up in the excitement and curiosity of it all, and he’d put himself in a bad position. That was on him, and now he was kind of kicking himself for it.

It had all started with an email from a name that looked vaguely familiar. He’d seen it early in the day, but with everything that was going on, had chosen to ignore it for a while. FRAME was rapidly picking up jobs and appearances as well as joining in on activities with the rest of 315, and he had to prioritize, after all. When he got home, that was usually dedicated to family time and not much else.

He only got a chance to look at it later that night after putting Katsuhiko to bed. Hideo had been sitting on the floor of his mostly dark bedroom, hair still dripping from the shower as he scrolled through his phone and stumbled on the totally forgotten notification. For a minute, he considered saving it until morning, since he was going to have to go to sleep soon anyway. Still, he figured he’d just wind up forgetting again, so he opened it up anyway.

Surprisingly, the email had been from someone from high school, Haruka. She explained that she had gotten his contact info from another girl in their class, Aoko (who was friends with Hideo’s older sister, not him) and apologized for losing contact with him.

_That_ made Hideo roll his eyes a bit. A lot of people had stopped talking to him when he transferred out of high school and into an alternative program. Their school was very prestigious and uppity, so it was definitely intentional that he’d gotten cut off. It looked bad associating with the kid that got knocked up. But he’d figured there was always a chance that was because of parental pressure.

The rest of the email went on to explain that a few other people from their class were working in Tokyo. They were going to be hosting a small reunion at the end of the week (nothing too fancy, just a room booked at a restaurant) and it would be nice if he could come along. “You didn’t graduate with us, but it was still two years of memories, Akuno-kun!” she insisted, “I hope you’ll join us.” 

Hideo read over the email a second time, a knot slowly forming in the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t place his finger on how it made him feel, because it was just out of nowhere. On the one hand, he didn’t want to acknowledge it. No one had reached out to him in the past six years, not even on social media before his (newly-crafted, producer-approved) accounts started blowing up. If they didn’t want anything to do with him before, then why now?

Yet a bigger part of him wanted to have some good faith. Six years was a long time, people changed. They had all been very young, and he couldn’t really blame anyone who stopped talking to him because he was a “bad influence”. _He _had been the one who made the choice to keep his baby, so in a way he’d set himself up for a lot of problems. The email, abrupt as it was, could be a serious attempt to mend bridges.

He fiddled with his phone for a bit, mentally weighing both sides. Eventually, he typed out a quick email, figuring that it would at least hold Haruka off until morning so he could sleep on it a bit more. But, to his surprise, his phone went off again almost immediately after.

Katsuhiko shifted a bit on the bed with a small noise, more than likely not fully asleep yet, meaning it was just enough to disturb him. Hideo turned around and quietly shushed, stroking his hair to settle him back down. He turned the brightness down on his phone and opened the new email. Haruka seemed enthusiastic about his answer, and readily provided the address and time for the reunion, plus said again about how everyone would be excited to see him. He vaguely wondered who exactly made up “everyone”, but still felt excited to go and catch up.

And that was how Akuno Hideo wound up in the back room of some rinky dink restaurant on the outskirts of Roppongi on a Wednesday night – nursing a beer that was already lukewarm by the time it was poured for him, and lamenting the scarce food options in front of him. There weren’t a lot of his former classmates there. Five women and four other men, and most of them had looked surprised when he walked into the room. Haruka jumped up from her spot and ran up to him, hurriedly reintroducing him to their classmates before shuffling him to sit in between her and another woman named Yoshie.

For all intents and purposes, that should have been his first clue. He and Haruka had been in the same class throughout his time in high school. They had never really been friends, per say, but they’d sat close by each other and talked often enough. She’d even helped him get to the nurse’s office once when his suppressants stopped working. Yoshie, however, had only been in Hideo’s class in his final year, which meant they’d only known each other for a few months. He knew she’d been heavily involved in soccer, so she hadn’t been around a lot, and they’d rarely gotten a chance to talk.

Most of the conversation seemed to focus around the two of them, anyway. They went on about how they hadn’t kept in touch after graduation but had wound up meeting again as journalists at the same newspaper. Since then, they’d gotten closer and realized how many of their classmates worked close by, so they’d decided it would be nice to meet up. That was when Haruka directed her attention back to him.

“It really is great that you could join us, Akuno-kun.” She smiled as she topped off his still very full drink. “I thought about getting in touch over the past few years, but university would get in the way. You know how that goes.”

“Actually, I don’t…” Hideo mumbled, putting the glass down to pick at the (dried out, saltless) bowl of edamame in front of him, “I just took the civil service exam and did my training. I wanted to get to work as soon as possible.”

“Oh, I see – it must have been so hard to study while taking care of a baby all by yourself.” She leaned over to tap at Yoshie’s hand, “It’s definitely a different kind of life experience, right?”

Yoshie startled a bit, but then quickly nodded, “Right! I couldn’t imagine taking care of a child at this point in my life. You have a daughter, right, Akuno-kun? Do you have any pictures?”

He perked up a little at that, surprised that anybody would be interested in seeing photos. “I have a son, Katsuhiko. He just turned six last week.” He reached into his pocket, swiping and opening his gallery, “I used to keep a photo as my lock screen, but I didn’t want people to start getting nosy.” He held out the phone, showing off a picture he had taken earlier that morning of Katsuhiko with the family dogs. It was a cute picture, in his opinion.

“How scary!” Haruka gasped, a little too dramatically, as she pointed at the dogs. “Aren’t you worried something could happen?”

“They’re good with him, I wouldn’t let anything happen anyway. Dobermans are easy to train.” He rolled his eyes and swiped to the next picture, one where Katsuhiko was watching Hideo’s younger brother play some game on his 3DS. Maybe that would be a bit more acceptable.

Yoshie made an approving noise, “He’s cute. You’d think he was another one of your siblings, not your son. You could have gotten away with it…”

“Yeah, yeah. I get that a lot. I could never lie like that, though. It wouldn’t be right.” A few members of his more extended family had suggested that while he was pregnant, and it’d left a bad taste in his mouth. He swiped through a few more pictures, hoping to change the subject. Haruka grabbed his hand when he tried to pass a selfie that he’d taken with Shingen and Ryu during practice.

“I know those faces!” She squeaked a little in excitement and took the phone out of his hands before Hideo could even think to stop her. “I still can’t believe our Akuno-kun became an idol. How amazing, right, Yoshie-chan?”

“Oh, I know. To go from a teen parent, to a cop, and now an idol…” Yoshie added, sounding much more genuinely enthusiastic than she had the entire night. “You’re moving up in the world, Akuno-kun.”

He wrinkled his eyebrows a bit. “I don’t think it’s some kind of improvement. They’re three totally different things. I didn’t ever stop being a parent, and I always wanted to be a police officer.”

“Isn’t your company’s whole thing about big career changes?” Haruka continued, completely ignoring him. “One of my co-workers interviewed that idol that used to be a lawyer, but we had to scrap it before publication. It’s not my department, but I was so jealous.”

“That’s too bad…”

“I know. If I was doing it, we would have been able to run the story. Maybe I can introduce you two, and we can set up another one.”

“Maybe.” He picked his beer up and took a sip, shoulders tight and a knot forming in his stomach. “Can I have my phone back, please?”

Haruka started to hand him back his phone, but held on tightly as he tried to grab it. “You know, Akuno-kun…” she started, her seemingly eternal smile now feeling almost menacing, “Yoshie-chan is a very big fan of W, and I’ve been following Beit since they debuted. Maybe if we can set up something with the interview, we could make other arrangements as well.”

The knot in his stomach dropped as the pieces finally came together. Everything that’d led up to that moment suddenly came rushing at him, and he felt like an idiot for not noticing sooner. Of course these people weren’t legitimately interested in seeing him. They were only looking for some vague connection to get what _they_ wanted out of it. If they didn’t think he was stupid enough to fall for it (which he clearly was), then they probably just figured he was too polite to refuse.

He felt disappointed at first, but that quickly moved into annoyance, and boiled a little into anger. He didn’t need this in his life. He had more than enough to worry about without people he barely knew using him. But he knew telling them off and making a scene in a public place like this would lead to more trouble than it was worth.

Hideo managed to get his phone out of her grip, “Our schedules are different. I don’t get to see Kyoji or Kyosuke that often,” he lied, turning his screen back on to look at the time. “Oh wow, I didn’t realize what time it was. I have practice in the morning, and I want to get up early enough to make Katsuhiko’s lunch before I go.” He pulled out his wallet and placed some money on the table, “It was nice seeing you two. Maybe if we do this again, I’ll talk with the others. Things are just getting _so busy_ now. I’ll have to see if I can make the time.”

Haruka frowned a little. “Akuno-kun, wait…”

He didn’t wait to hear what she had to say.

* * *

Hideo opened his umbrella with a huff as he stepped outside of the restaurant. It was definitely not his night, that was for sure. Not only did he have to deal with _all of that,_ but he’d also rearranged his entire schedule for the night and next morning, having expected drinks and good food at the reunion. He didn’t even get to finish his first beer, not that he’d even wanted to when he realized how warm it was. The worst part, though, was that he was _starving_.

He made his way down the scarcely populated street. On a weekend, it would probably be bustling with some kind of activity, but since it was just the middle of the week, a good chunk of the businesses were just putting up their B-game. He’d probably have to settle for getting something from a convenience store and heading home early, as disappointing as it sounded. He turned a corner, colliding with a person who was walking straight ahead.

“Oh, shoot! I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” he quickly apologized, grateful he hadn’t knocked them down.

“No, it was my fault. I was looking at my phone and—Hideo-san?” Ryu was staring right at him. He was holding an umbrella, but it looked like it’d been blown inside out a few times and didn’t seem to be doing the best job at keeping him dry. In his other hand, he had a plastic bag with the name of some store. “I thought you had your reunion tonight.”

Hideo waved his hand. “Stupid story. It’s not worth getting into. I thought you went home after work.”

“I was going to, but Takajo found out about this used game store and asked if I wanted to meet up.” He raised the bag, shaking it a little for emphasis, “I missed out on this when it came out in high school, but they had a limited edition. Hopefully it’s not scratched up.”

“Oh, hopefully. I was always too busy with studying and practice to play, but I feel like I missed out on something.”

“If it works, you can check it out. I have some other ones that you might like, too.”

“Sounds great.” Before Hideo could elaborate, his stomach decided to interrupt with a disruptive gurgling noise. He felt his face get a little warm. “Sorry, I was actually heading to the convenience store to get something. I didn’t get to eat at the reunion.”

“Um, how about we get something together then? I haven’t had anything since lunch.” Ryu rubbed the back of his neck, looking off to the side, “Takajo told me about this new okonomiyaki place – if you’re interested. It’s not that far of a walk.”

“That sounds good, actually. Do you know how to get there?”

It took only a couple of minutes to find the exact address on Ryu’s phone, and another fifteen to walk over. The entrance was a little hard to find, tucked in between a busy beer garden and some expensive-looking French restaurant. Through the door was a set of stairs that led up to a shifty looking hallway with two doors on each end. Luckily, the one on the right had a sign next to it.

“I think this is it…” Ryu said, walking towards the door. “It says Kiseki.”

“I’m not sure if this is the kind of place to be making educated guesses.” Still, Hideo followed – peeking over Ryu’s shoulder as he opened the door.

Despite the questionable exterior, the inside of the restaurant looked very nice. It was small, bordering on cramped, with a large bar taking up most of the space and about six tables with large grills taking up the rest. It was mostly lit with string lights and a few lamps mounted against the wall, and soft enka music played over the speakers. Besides the bartender, a waitress, Hideo, and Ryu, the only other people in the restaurant were a couple tucked into a corner and a salaryman sitting at the bar.

The waitress greeted them and led them over to one of the tables, handing Ryu a menu with a list of various toppings and ingredients while giving Hideo the drink menu. Hideo didn’t have to look at it very long, “Kirin, please.” He started to hand the menu over to Ryu, who waved it off.

“I’ll have the same.” He tried to pass the menu over to Hideo when the waitress walked away to get their drinks, “Do you have anything you like getting?”

“Honestly, I haven’t had okonomiyaki since high school. So, I’ll leave it to you.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah.” Hideo nodded to the waitress when she came over with two large bottles of beer and two glasses. He continued as she poured their drinks, “There was a place near school, so the karate team would go sometimes. Honestly, I don’t know if we were a huge disruption or if they liked us a lot because we would order so much food.” He picked up the glass, relishing the fact that it was cold, unlike his first drink that night.

“You were on a team? I always thought you practiced on your own.” He lifted his own drink so they could clink their glasses.

“No, I participated. I didn’t get to do much in junior high, but I won a couple of awards in high school. I kept practicing after I left, too. I only really stopped when I started working.”

Their conversation continued very casually, pausing only to place their order and again to order more drinks. They got caught up a bit in it, poking fun at their mutual lack of coordination when flipping the pancakes and some of the weirder offerings on the menu. It felt light and airy, and Hideo was able to push the last few disastrous hours out of his mind.

“Hideo-saaaaan,” Ryu slurred a bit, cheeks red and a goofy grin about his face, “I’m sorry, but I gotta ask.”

“So ask then.” Hideo stuck his tongue out as he flipped his portion. Cheese and mochi. Despite being a little bit buzzed, he felt like he was finally getting the hang of it.

“Are you into bad boys?”

“Whaaaaat?” He snickered a bit, “Where did that come from?”

“Why else would you go out with a delinquent like Hikaru-san? Unless you’re just into guys with crunchy hair.”

“What is it with you guys and the crunchy hair? I’m so confused.”

“It’s so dry looking, like he just poured an entire bottle of bleach on his head.” Ryu mimed like he was holding a bucket and pouring it over his own head, he exaggerated a bit as he shook his head around. “‘I’m going to look so good after this. Nothing could possibly go wrong.’”

“Oh my god,” Hideo buried his face in his hands. The shift in Hikaru’s personality had started the summer of their third year in high school, but sometime after graduating he’d decided to make a radical change in his appearance. Clearly not for the better, but Hideo didn’t really have a say in that. “I swear, he didn’t look like that in high school. He was _normal_, I don’t know what happened to him in university.”

“Hideo-san likes bad boys!”

“No! He was a total dork!” Hideo heard his voice crack with embarrassment and his face felt like it was going bright red (from more than just the alcohol). “He was so unathletic we convinced him to be a manager instead of trying out for the team. You have to believe me! He’s not even that cool now, he works as a day trader – a _day trader_, Ryu. That’s literally one of the most boring, booksmart-y jobs you can get. He just doesn’t have any sense of style! He probably does think it looks good!” 

“So, Hideo-san is into delinquent nerds,” Ryu continued to tease. He smiled when Hideo dropped his hands to give him a dirty look. “It must be hard for anyone to compete.” He leaned forward, moving in closer to Hideo.

In that moment, all Hideo could hear was the sound of his heart beating in his ears. He opened his mouth to say something, only to be interrupted as Ryu - who had unintentionally placed his whole palm on the grill - gasped in pain. 

Ryu quickly pulled his hand away, overcompensating as he almost knocked his glass over. He reached out to catch it, and in the ensuing motion knocked over a mostly full bottle of beer. Liquid spilled all over the grill (and Hideo’s okonomiyaki, rest in peace) and onto Hideo’s shirt and pants. Everyone else in the restaurant turned to look at them, and Ryu had the most mortified look on his face.

Hideo just started laughing. He wasn’t even sure what he was laughing at, but the whole situation just seemed so chaotic he couldn’t help but find it hilarious. His stomach started to hurt a bit as the muscles contracted and tears pricked in the corners of his eyes, but he couldn’t stop. He tried to cover his mouth, shoulders shaking as he leaned over.

Soon, Ryu joined him. Struggling to apologize to both Hideo and the waitstaff through giggles. He tried his best to help clean up, but every time he looked over it would just start again.

Once the mess was cleaned up and they gave the staff much more appropriate apologies, they paid their tab and headed back outside. It was still raining, obviously, but Hideo didn’t feel as bothered by it as he had earlier. He looked back at his phone, and noticed they’d spent a lot more time eating than he’d originally thought, so he had to make it back to the train station and head home. They rushed through the rain, making it with only a few minutes to spare. Hideo felt a little dizzy, probably because all of the movement was making the alcohol run through his system faster. He’d probably have to chug an entire bottle of water when he made it home.

“This was fun, definitely made my night better,” he said truthfully. It could have been a wash of a day, but their chance encounter had made it all worth it.

“Yeah, we should definitely go again. We’ll have to tell Seiji too.”

“I don’t know, I doubt Shingen would even be able to make it through the door. Did you see that waitress?”

“Oh no, I’m telling.” Ryu laughed, lightly smacking Hideo’s arm.

They stood there for a second, silent but not necessarily uncomfortable. Something felt missing, though, but Hideo couldn’t seem to figure what. So, he just pointed in the opposite direction, “I have to go this way, but send me a message when you get home, alright? Also I know we don’t have practice in the morning, but don’t stay up all night playing that game.”

“Yes, yes – I’ll be good, _Dad_,” Ryu teased, but nodded his head anyway, “Same with you, though. As long as you remember to, I mean.” He lifted his hand up and they bumped fists before parting ways, “Get home safe, Hideo-san.”

Later, as Hideo sat on the train home – he realized how light he felt. It was almost as if a weight he didn’t know he was carrying had been lifted from his body. He just felt…so happy. He couldn’t think of a better word to describe it. His heart was beating fast, he couldn’t seem to stop smiling (even when a few people gave him strange looks), and tingles were rushing through his body. It was almost like…

Oh.

Hideo leaned back in his seat, a picture suddenly becoming clear in his head. He wasn’t happy because he’d had a good night, he was happy because he’d had a good night _with Ryu_. Even if he’d had a good time at the reunion, or found something else to occupy his time when that went south, there wasn’t any way it would have felt this good. Those small moments – the okonomiyaki, the spilled beer, and laughing about it – should have felt insignificant in the long run, but somehow, they had wormed their way into his heart. He wanted to remember what ingredients they used, why the beer had spilled, and the sound of Ryu’s laugh as they tried to clean up.

He wanted more of those moments. He wanted Ryu. Hideo wanted every small, special moment he could share with Ryu for the rest of his life.

But he couldn’t. There was absolutely no way.

They worked together for one, and if it didn’t work out it would completely wreck everything they’d been working towards (plus that would be super unfair to Shingen). Relationships between coworkers, especially unit-mates, spelled disaster from the get-go. Secondly – why would Ryu want to get stuck with someone like _him_? Hideo wasn’t the most handsome or romantic guy in the world, so he probably wouldn’t make for the best partner in the best circumstances. He was also a father to a six-year-old child, one that he’d had with an ex who was still vaguely connected to his life. Ryu was just entering adulthood. He didn’t need to get saddled with all of Hideo’s baggage.

Lastly, he had to consider Katsuhiko’s feelings. Hideo was the only real parental figure in his life. Sure, his parents and siblings helped when they could, but it was still a different kind of relationship. Bringing another adult into his life as more than just an uncle or one of “_Touchan’s _friends” was a huge emotional investment whether things worked out or not.

No, it wasn’t something that could happen. It would be selfish to even consider.

Hideo sighed and closed his eyes. Tomorrow, he would push these feelings aside. He’d get up, make his son’s lunch, walk him to school, and run some errands before going to practice. Ryu would go back to being just his friend, a younger sibling in his band of brothers.

But, just for tonight, he could enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has been done for a while - but you know, pipeline. Chapter three is already written, just gotta go through editing and I'm in the middle of working on chapter four right now. These first two chapters are mostly setup, but it'll all pay off in the end!! 
> 
> Thank you again to [psiten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/psiten/) for beta-ing even though you have no idea who these idiots are.


	3. Chapter 3

From there, time passed as normal. Jobs came and went, they saw different parts of Japan and the world, they had new experiences, and formed deep, lasting friendships. FRAME wasn’t the most popular unit at 315, but they had their niche and their fans – and they were eternally grateful for them. Everything ebbed and flowed into a semi-normal routine.

Before Hideo could even take a moment to breathe, it was December. Eight months had passed since he met Shingen and Ryu and started on an unknown path. He didn’t regret a single second of it, but it had started hitting him how much time had passed. And with that, he began to realize that he needed to take things into consideration.

That mindset weighed heavily as he sat in the backseat of the van, exhausted from a long day of shooting a TV spot about some cosplay café in Akihabara, flipping through apartment listings in Tokyo as he balanced another set for Yokohama and other parts of Kanagawa in his lap. Because he was crammed between Shoma (who seemed occupied with something on his phone) and Suzaku (who, if the snoring was anything to go by, was totally passed out) in the very back seat, he was trying his best not to jostle around too much. It wasn’t like he would have had an easier time sitting anywhere else. Haruna, Makio, and Soichiro were squished together in the seats in front of them, caught up in a conversation about one of the desserts they’d tried earlier. It was probably a bad place and a bad time, but he knew he had to get started eventually.

His elbow bumped into Shoma’s as he flipped to the next page. “Ah, sorry,” he quickly apologized, trying to scooch over – only to bump into Suzaku, who groaned a bit and tried to readjust himself. “Ah jeez.”

Shoma waved his hand, shutting off his phone. “Close quarters, Hero-chan. It can’t be helped, right?” He peered at the paper in Hideo’s hands. “Are you moving closer to the office?”

Hideo hummed, turning his attention back to the listings, “I’m not sure yet, to be honest. Katsuhiko’s going to be starting elementary school in a few months, so that would probably be the best time. There’s a lot to think about, though.”

“I don’t mind listening. Sometimes saying it out loud can help. I just moved a few months ago. It’s exhausting.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Hideo continued when Shoma gave him a nod, indicating it was alright to keep going. “I still live with my parents, but it’s crowded. It’s okay for now, but as he gets older, he’s going to want his own room and we can’t do the co-sleeping thing forever. I lose a lot of time commuting between Tokyo and Kanagawa, so I’ve been considering moving this way. Not near the office though. I want some space.”

“That makes sense.”

“But,” he picked up the other set of classifieds, “I can’t always be home and I’m worried about him being by himself. Sure it’s basically just school-karate-home, and kids do it all the time. I did. I just...”

“The cop in you can’t stop thinking about what _could_ happen?”

“Exactly!” Hideo knew it was silly, in a way. Tokyo was a mostly safe city, especially the areas he was looking at. He’d already gone over all of the stranger danger rules at length, and if everything went according to plan, the places Katsuhiko would have to go to would be close enough together. He’d walked to school and taken trains on his own to run errands a few times as a kid. On that same token, though, his older sister was close enough to him in age that they were together most of the time. It had to be different for an only child, right? And the suburbs weren’t as crowded or busy as a city.

“So, what’s the other option?”

“If I find a place near home, then my mom or my grandmother could babysit. Plus, he’ll probably be in school with some of the kids he’s in kindergarten with.” He opened the flier up, eyeing over an apartment he’d circled earlier that day when he first picked all of the recent listings. He’d only glanced at it then, but now he wanted to look it over more. “The problem is, that puts me back at square one with the commute. It feels like I’m losing time.”

Shoma nodded, “That’s the problem with being a parent these days. No wonder the birth rate is dropping. You also seem like the kind of parent that takes a more progressive approach.”

“I don’t know if I’d say that.”

Ahead of them, Haruna scoffed, turning his head to look at them. “Dude, your kid is six and he speaks in full sentences. I bet you read child development books for fun.”

“Be quiet, adults are talking. You’re not part of this conversation.” Hideo scowled and swatted at him. He didn’t want to admit that Haruna was partially right, since it wasn’t for fun so much as satiating his own anxieties. “Skipping baby talk is good for them mentally, anyway.”

“I think I’ve heard that as well,” Soichiro piped up, without looking back, “it widens their vocabulary.”

Makio nodded, “I never thought about it, it’s actually kind of interesting.”

“Interesting or not, I have more important things I have to worry about right now.” Hideo tapped at the page, trying to get back to the topic at hand. 

Haruna just shrugged, turning his head back around. “I wouldn’t know about that crazy adult stuff, wouldn’t I?” he joked, probably fully aware that Hideo was rolling his eyes.

Shoma hummed a bit, tapping at his chin in thought. “You have a license, right? Have you considered getting a car, instead of taking the train? Parking will be an issue, but it would cut some time off and Producer might be able to figure something out. Maybe the building has some open spaces.”

“I considered that. I’ve driven to work a few times and it’s not _awful_. I’m sure there are worse commutes.” Hideo shrugged and looked over the listing again. It was a small place – an LDK, but it allowed pets and was close to the elementary school Hideo and his siblings had attended – so it could work as a starter home until he had a better idea of what he needed to do. He pulled out his phone. “Maybe I can set something up for tomorrow if I call now. Hopefully someone’s in.”

He reached to pull his phone out of his back pocket, trying his best not to disturb Suzaku _again_ in the process. When he turned on the screen to dial the number, he noticed a notification for a voicemail and a missed call from his doctor. Both were a couple of hours old. He probably hadn’t noticed them because he needed to keep his phone on silent while they were filming.

Something about it seemed strange. He didn’t have any appointments scheduled, and Oshima-sensei’s office rarely called outside of making those kinds of confirmations. His gut was telling him that the message wasn’t something he could put off. He swiped at the notification, waiting for the phone to connect to voicemail before typing in his password and putting it up to his ear.

There was a moment of silence before Oshima-sensei’s voice, rather than one of her nurses or receptionists, started talking. “_Good afternoon, Hideo-kun. I’m sorry to bother you while you’re working,” _she started, voice calm and even. _“I wish I could say something more positive, but I need you to schedule an appointment with my office right away. We’ve recently been informed about a recall for your suppressant and birth control, and it’s of the utmost importance that you come in to have it removed. We’ll also have to do an exam. I’ll leave an appointment open for you for tomorrow morning, but it would be best if you called me back on my cell phone.” _

She rattled off her number, and explained that they could set up another appointment if he needed, but Hideo felt stuck on the word “recall”. A chill ran down his spine and his eyes focused in on his left bicep, where a small implant sat just under the skin. The worst possibilities crossed through his mind first. Even though it was his dominant arm, Oshima-sensei had explained that it worked best on the left side (something about better blood flow) and he suddenly felt convinced it was going to pop out of place, trail up to his heart, and kill him.

Luckily, he shook that thought off fast. If it was that urgent, Dr. Oshima would have told him to go to the hospital right away, instead of waiting to see her tomorrow. Nevertheless, he wanted to know what was happening right that instant instead of having to wait.

“Hero-chan?” Shoma interrupted his train of thought, “Is something wrong?”

Hideo swallowed and tried his best to smile, and failed if Shoma’s face was anything to go by, “Yeah, I just need to make a phone call when we get back. It’s not a big deal.”

At least, he hoped it wasn’t.

* * *

Hideo realized early on that he’d lucked out in finding a doctor like Oshima Yaeko. She had come as a recommendation when he had registered his first pregnancy with his ward office and they’d handed his mother a stack of information along with the usual vouchers, bag tag, and development book. While there were a decent number of doctors that took on male omega patients, she was the only one in Kanagawa who worked exclusively with them. It was a welcome relief, to find a place where he could feel somewhat less judged.

Even after Katsuhiko was born, he’d stayed on with her to monitor his reproductive health. His family doctor had never been able to provide the best care for him, and while they had stuck with the same suppressant regimen for a little while, she was quick to recommend the implant when he needed something more reliable.

The last time he had seen Oshima-sensei had been almost a year before, when he’d had his annual exam and implant replaced. He had called her office a few months later to let them know about his career change, but other than that, he hadn’t expected to see her again until his next checkup.

Instead, Hideo found himself sitting in a cold exam room, sweatshirt and jacket draped over the back of his chair as he waited to hear more about this recall. The waiting room had been mildly busy – filled with male omegas and women that worked with Oshima-sensei’s colleagues. News of the recall still hadn’t hit the media, so no one seemed to have any answer about what it was in relation to. If it was affecting so many people, though, it must be serious.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Oshima-sensei finally came into the exam room. She pulled out a chair and sat across from him, offering a courteous (but also very tired) smile as she nodded at him. “Good morning, Hideo-kun. I’m sorry we’re not meeting under better circumstances. How have you been feeling? How is Katsuhiko-chan doing?”

Hideo shifted in his seat, “I wish we were meeting under different circumstances too. He’s doing very well. He’s finally starting to enjoy school. He’ll be starting first grade in April.”

“That’s good, you’ve done a great job raising him.” With all formalities out of the way, she sighed and opened his chart. “As I mentioned in my phone call, there was recently a recall on all Novamega implants. There have been a large amount of recent reports citing infertility among omegas who have been using it long term. It’s not 100%, but it’s high enough to be concerning.”

His hand unconsciously rested on his stomach at that. Infertility. He knew that didn’t mean complete sterility, but the idea of it still scared him. “What is it doing?”

“So, there are a number of implants that are specifically for birth control, but Novamega is the first one to act as a suppressant as well.” She reached into one of the drawers and pulled out an old pamphlet that Hideo recognized from the first time she’d mentioned it to him years ago. She opened it up and pointed to a diagram of the implant – a three centimeter long stick with forked prongs at each end. “It releases an extra set of hormones to control heat symptoms, the same way an as-needed suppressant would when an omega begins feeling pre-heat symptoms. Only, it’s a more constant stream – as you well know.” She closed it and placed it back on her desk. “But those hormones might be causing an increase in uterine polyps and fibroids, which normally might not be as alarming, but the way they’re popping seems to be leaving scarring and making it hard for omegas to conceive after they discontinue use.”

“And since I don’t have any external way of knowing…”

“That’s why I don’t want to take any risks. I wanted to let you know as soon as possible, especially since you said you would like to have more children in the future.”

“More than anything.” Having grown up in such a large family, Hideo couldn’t imagine doing anything differently. He thought that growing up by yourself must be incredibly lonely, and even though Katsuhiko would more than likely be older than any future siblings it would still be nice to have them. It would probably be years before he felt settled in his career enough to find a partner or other alternatives, but that wouldn’t happen if the option was completely off the table. “What do I need to do?”

Oshima-sensei stood up, pointing towards the exam table. “First, I’m going to remove the implant. Then I want to do an ultrasound to make sure everything’s alright. Hopefully nothing has changed from your last exam, but I want to take a closer look. I’ll have a nurse take blood too.” She continued to explain as she gathered a few supplies, “As much as you don’t want to hear this, I’m going to tell you to go through two heat cycles without any kind of suppressant. I want you to come see me after each one.”

Hideo groaned as he took off his overshirt and rolled up the sleeve of his t-shirt, “Seriously?”

“Seriously. We’re going to have to readjust your suppressant regimen and birth control, I want your hormones to level back out.” She walked over to him, tapping on a syringe. “This is a local anesthetic; you’ll feel just a prick.” She placed it down and rubbed some iodine on his arm before picking it back up and pressing it to his arm. “You have Nilson’s Syndrome, right? Sometimes it clears up in adulthood.”

He flinched at the injection, “Yeah, that’s what I was told.” Nilson’s was just one of the many different diseases associated with what people colloquially considered bad heats – but it was probably the worst out of all of them. It was a combination of irregularity (both in when heats showed up and how long they lasted), fluctuating hormone levels that were hard to control, and stronger than average pheromones. All in all, a miserable experience to add alongside puberty.

“It’s not that uncommon in omegas born into beta families. Your previous regimen was hormone injections, but I don’t recommend going back to those because it’s not consistent. It clearly wasn’t working with your birth control, anyway.”

“My birth control method was timing and condoms, maybe a morning after pill if I got too worried.” Hideo felt his face get warm at that, realizing how reckless it sounded. His family doctor had insisted that hormonal birth control could mess with his injections, so he’d insinuated that Hideo should just never have sex at all. That was a lot of trust to put in a teenager and much easier to follow when he was in middle school.

Oshima-sensei seemed to agree with that as she scoffed, “This is why we need better sex education. I’m finished, by the way.” Hideo heard the sound of the scalpel and implant hitting the metal tray. He always appreciated how quickly she worked; she was also good at keeping him distracted. “If your symptoms have improved, we could put you on traditional suppressants."

"Oh, I can’t do that. I’m allergic.”

“To what ingredient? There’s a few more alternatives now, so we can probably find something else.” She started to wrap up his arm.

“I don’t remember the name of it. It was like some long, science-y thing. But it’s whatever’s the main ingredient in the coating that makes it not burn through the lining of your stomach.”

He felt Oshima-sensei pause, before she went back to wrapping. “Okay. Maybe not then. I’ll look into some holistic options in that case.”

“Holistic…” Hideo wondered what that meant, but he was a little too caught up in his own worries to ask. He could probably look it up for himself later. He rolled his left sleeve back down before switching over to the right. After all the picking and prodding he was going through, he hoped Producer wasn’t planning on sticking him in any kind of revealing costume.

Thankfully, the rest of the exam went as smoothly as it could go. The labs for his bloodwork wouldn’t be in until the next day, mostly because there was such a high volume of patients that day, and they didn’t want to risk mixing up anyone’s results by rushing. The ultrasound was a bit uncomfortable, but Oshima-sensei didn’t note anything strange or out of place, much to his relief. 

“If you feel any kind of extreme abdominal pain, make sure to call me as soon as possible.” She handed him a handful of paper towels to wipe the gel off his stomach. “Obviously, you’ll feel some because of your heat, but it shouldn’t be debilitating and there shouldn’t be blood coming from _anywhere_ when you go to the bathroom. If it’s not absorbing back into your system, there might be a bigger problem and I want you to go to the hospital.”

“I got it…”

She wrote down a few things in his chart, “Make sure to monitor everything you can. If your heat goes on longer than a week—”

“Go to the hospital. Stay hydrated, make sure I eat, don’t over-do it – I remember all of the rules.” Despite that, he had to be honest that he was worried. He hadn’t had a full heat in years, and the last ones were less severe because of the injections. Now he had a lot more commitments and responsibilities to worry about. Hopefully he had enough time to make needed arrangements. 

He tried to push the appointment out of his head for the rest of the day, figuring there was no use in worrying about something he couldn’t control. Instead, he decided to keep himself busy. First, he called Producer – just to make sure they would have time that week to set up for heat leave. The conversation was awkward to say the least. How could something like “Hey, I’m going to be out for a week because my body wants me to make babies” be phrased any other way? Still, Producer was understanding and explained that everything could be rearranged.

After that, he had his scheduled appointment with the realtor to look at the apartment. The building was less than desirable, and the room looked much better in photos than in person. Luckily, or unluckily, Hideo didn’t have to ask too many questions or decide if it was worth it because the agency’s realtor was quick to bring up that the landlord didn’t allow children. So, that was a colossal waste of time.

“A lot of buildings in the area have been getting strict about that,” the realtor explained, all too casual. “They’re concerned about it disturbing young professionals. People your age are more interested in pets than children anyway.”

Hideo tried not to make a face at that, “That’s a little shortsighted.”

“Maybe, but there are plenty of other buildings that work better for families.”

As the realtor continued with some spiel about utilities, a dirty little voice creeped into Hideo’s head saying, “Maybe in a couple of years you won’t have to worry about that. It’s not like you’re going to have any more.” The thought of it made him feel a little nauseated, and he tried to shake it off. He couldn’t think of this as the be all, end all. No matter what, he always had options.

He couldn’t focus on the apartment after that, not that he really needed to. If he’d been in a better frame of mind, he probably would have asked if they could set something up to see more family-friendly apartments. Clearly, this wasn’t the day for forward thinking.

By the time he went to go pick up Katsuhiko from kindergarten, Hideo couldn’t say that he felt any better. He hated the idea of not knowing how long he had to wait before he could have a definite answer, and he especially hated that he had no way to tell what was coming. What if his heat came during a job or when he was away from home? What was he supposed to do then? He hadn’t hated being an omega so much since he first presented.

Nevertheless, he put on a brave face as he walked up to the school’s entrance, hoping nobody would notice if it didn’t seem genuine. Thankfully, he didn’t have to fake it as much as his son came running up to him, waving a piece of paper.

“_Touchan_!” Katsuhiko chirped, bouncing up and down a little. “I drew a fish!

Hideo smiled down at him, squatting down to meet him at eye level. “You did? Can I see?” He wasn’t exactly sure where this obsession with fish came from, but he wasn’t going to do anything to discourage it. He looked at the drawing as Katsuhiko handed it to him. Obviously, there was a big, green fish in the middle of the piece of paper – it had a big, human smile on its face too. Scribbles of blue surrounded it, with yellow lines all along the bottom. A small stick figure floated towards the top.

“Look, he’s swimming! Because he lives in the ocean.” Katsuhiko pointed at the blue squiggles. “There are waves and everything.”

“Wow, there’s blue all over the page.”

“Because the ocean is _huge_! It’s really big, _Touchan._” He rolled his eyes a little, like he couldn’t believe his dad didn’t know something so obvious. “There’s sand at the bottom too. That’s where the crabs live!”

“Crabs? Really?” He tried not to laugh at the super serious nod he got in response. Instead he pointed at the stick figure. “Who’s this?”

“It’s me. I’m going to visit the fish.”

“Are you guys going to swim together?”

“I don’t know how.”

“Well I guess you’ll have to learn before you go visit.” He picked up Katsuhiko’s backpack, “Can I put this in your bag while you put your shoes and coat on? It can stay safe then while we walk home.”

“Okay.” Satisfied with having talked about his drawing, Katsuhiko made quick work of getting ready to go. He reached up to grab Hideo’s hand when it was offered to him, swinging it back and forth as he said goodbye to his classmates and teachers.

That little bit of interaction had done something to Hideo’s nerves. His worries from the day seemed to wash away as his son continued to ramble on about his day – about the new things he’d learned, games he’d played, and just anything that seemed to come to mind. He really had gotten lucky to have turned out with such a great kid. His life could have gone in a different direction with the choices he made, but moments like this confirmed that he’d made the right one for himself in the long run.

If anything, he was happy enough with what he already had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what's back *dabs* I've had this chapter written for a few months, and I have the next chapter written and waiting for edits. I'm currently working on five right now and I've got a rough outline to Chapter 17, but any kind of encouragement in these trying times would be great lmao. 
> 
> I tried explaining the science of this world a little bit in this chapter, since everyone seems to have their own takes on ABO. A lot more is going to come up later, so I hope it's easy to understand. Please enjoy my lovely lady Oshima Yaeko, who will be here to explain every step of the way. I wanted to present her an open, approachable doctor that only wants the best for her patients - especially when they've been getting bad sex education in schools and less-than-attentive doctors in the long run. 
> 
> (Most of the time doctors would address their patients with -san, but since Yaeko has known Hideo since he's a teenager, and had to take his pregnancy with a different approach than someone in their 20's, she used -kun and it's just stuck. Hideo's mother was always "Akuno-san" when she came to appointments, though.) 
> 
> Next chapter is where things finally Pick Up - so I'm giving another "hey, dub con" warning here. Thanks again to Psi for editing!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've said this before, but here's another warning: **This chapter contains mutually _dubious consent._ ** I can't in good fate say that it's skippable, because there's a very important plot element in it. But if you don't want to read it and feel you need to skip stop at _“'Make it stop, Ryu. Please.'”_ and then continue on _"Clearly, they still weren’t done."_

Ryu should have known it was going to be a terrible day when he bit into his onigiri, and realized it was packed with chicken and surrounded by the freshest rice he’d had in years. He should have known when he made it down the stairs of his apartment complex without tripping. He should have known when he woke up right when his alarm went off, instead of an hour earlier. They were all signs that one great big, terrible thing was heading his way. He was just too dumb to notice at the time.

December had ended on a weird note. Originally, there had been plans for the three of them to appear on a TV show and promote their new single, “Swing Your Leaves”, as well as start teasing the 315pro anniversary concert that would be coming up in a few months. When Hideo’s heat popped up right around Christmastime, those plans wound up getting completely rearranged. Fortunately, F-LAGS had been able to substitute on short notice, and they had shuffled things so they could switch appearance dates. After that, there had been New Year and no scheduled appearances.

By the time the second week of January came around, Ryu was itching to get back to work. Sure, they had hung out and practiced in the meantime, but it wasn’t the same. Performing and putting on a well-crafted persona was on a completely different level, something he never thought he would come to enjoy so much.

Of course, that was all dependent on if they got to leave the office. Clearly, good luck was a limited resource.

When Ryu came in, almost everyone was ready to go. Producer and Hideo were off to the side, probably going over the last few changes to the schedule. Legenders, who were scheduled to make a different appearance later in the day at the same studio, were gathered near one of the couches. The three of them seemed engrossed in a script – Ryu couldn’t tell if they were practicing or criticizing it – and didn’t acknowledge him when he walked in. That was perfectly fine, because Ryu’s own attention was completely focused on Seiji, who was lying face down on the opposite couch.

“Should I ask, or…?”

“I was fine when I woke up…” Seiji answered, voice muffled by the cushions. “But I got a massive headache out of nowhere. It feels like it’s only gotten worse.”

Hideo crossed his arms, concern wrinkling his forehead. “There’s been a couple of strains of the flu going around. Maybe you’re getting sick. It doesn’t always kick in right when you wake up.”

“Feels more like a migraine. It’ll go away on its own.”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay to perform? If we have to make adjustments, Hideo-san and Ryu-san could probably cover for you,” Producer chimed in, although they looked unsure about it themselves. The three of them were pretty consistent with work, so they hadn’t practiced for if they had to perform with one of them unavailable. “I don’t have anyone else set up that can switch today.”

Seiji shot up, “It’s fine, really!” His face screwed up and he groaned, covering his eyes before laying his head back down on the pillow. “Ugh, too fast.”

“Shingen, it’s really not—”

“I just need aspirin and some water. If I sleep on the ride over, I think I can handle a few hours. Let me do this, alright?”

In retrospect, Ryu should have probably sided with Hideo and Producer on the matter. Seiji was obviously in pain, but too stubborn to accept it. As his friend, more so than his unitmate, he should have stepped in and said something. But Ryu hadn’t been aware of how events were going to unfold, so instead of doing anything responsible, he just shrugged. “I trust him. If it gets too bad, we’ll figure something else out when we get there.”

Hideo looked between them and Producer before shrugging as well. “It’s the best we can do, I guess. Just don’t push yourself and make it worse.”

One aspirin, a water bottle, and a conveniently available eyemask later, they were on their way. Most of the trip was quiet, partially out of consideration for Seiji and partially for Legenders (who, Ryu found out, were trying to memorize last minute changes to their scripts). It wasn’t a far trip from the office, but traffic ate up most of their time and they were just barely on schedule.

By the time they made it to the green room, Seiji no longer looked like he was on the verge of dying. There was more color in his face and he didn’t act like he was going to vomit the minute he opened his eyes. Was he 100 percent? No, not at all. He could at least push through their performance.

“As long as nothing else happens, I can handle it.” Seiji rubbed at his eyes, trying his best not to smudge his makeup, “I’d lie down while we wait, but I think that couch has seen better days.”

Hideo scowled and nodded in agreement as he covered the lower half of his face, “Tell me about it. I feel like I can smell _everything _since going off suppressants. It’s making me gag.” He looked over at them. “I don’t smell awful, right? I showered twice last night and again this morning.”

The outward changes Hideo had been experiencing in the past month appeared rare and far between to Ryu. He seemed the same as usual, if a bit more sensitive to everything around him. The only real change had been in scent, which had previously been limited to his soap and maybe body spray if practice got really intense. Without the aid of his suppressant though, Hideo’s pheromones had kicked back into action, bringing with them the woodsy smell of pine needles and dewy grass.

Honestly, Ryu didn’t mind it. But he would cop to the fact that he was biased.

“It’s not that bad. It could probably pass for cologne,” Ryu offered, resisting the urge to lean in to get a better smell. “At least it’s not something weird or flowery.”

“Don’t even. I don’t know how I would explain that away. I just hope no one asks.”

“I doubt that’ll happen.”

“You’d be surprised,” Ryu couldn’t see Hideo’s mouth behind his hand, but with the way his brow furrowed, it was clear he was frowning. “There’s a lot of downsides to being an omega, but the second worst is probably the people that can’t mind their own business. The _worst _worst is alphas who think they can take advantage. I really lucked out meeting you guys.”

* * *

Despite Seiji’s migraine, the performance and interview afterwards went flawlessly. He even seemed to be mostly better by the time they finished. This should have been another obvious tip-off to Ryu that something big and horrible was coming his way, but he’d felt too adrenaline-fueled to notice. It just felt great to be back to work in full force, and he wanted to enjoy it for as long as possible. He was sure Hideo and Seiji had the exact same enthusiasm.

The three of them made their way back into the green room in a rush, excited beyond words and full of renewed energy.

“I can’t believe how much they liked the song,” Hideo spoke up, removing his scarf, “I mean they said it was different, but like, a _good_ different. I don’t really get it, but I like it.”

“It’s a totally different energy,” Seiji agreed as he stretched his arms above his head, “I don’t think anyone really expected it from us.”

“I’m really thankful you were able to pull through, Shingen. I hope I can be as reliable as you, someday.”

Ryu pulled his jacket off, tossing it onto one of the vanities, “You should probably see if Producer can get someone to drive you home, though. You’re gonna crash real hard before you know it.”

“They ran off to the other side of the building. I’ll probably just call a cab. I don’t want to be too much of a both—” Seiji interrupted himself with a gagging noise, almost as if he was trying to hold himself back from vomiting. He quickly covered his mouth, hunching over a bit.

Before Ryu could spring into action, or even ask what was wrong, a strong smell hit his senses. It came on heavily, like getting hit in the face with a brick. It smelled like thick groves of evergreen and oak trees, freshly rained on grass, and sticky sweet berries. He felt lightheaded and weak in his knees, but also incredibly hungry as if his blood sugar had taken a sudden dive and he needed to stuff his face as fast as possible. But in the back of his mind, he knew he recognized it. He turned his head, trying to push down the rush of excitement and nerves rushing through him.

At the center table, Hideo, who was still halfway in his jumpsuit, stood hunched over and shaking. His breathing was labored and a red blush creeped up the back of his neck. “No, no…” he choked out, voice thick. “It’s too soon. This isn’t happening.” He crumpled up more, trying to hide his face in his arms.

Next to Ryu, Seiji made another choking sound and tried to speak through it. “This isn’t good. He needs to get somewhere else. One of us should grab—” the next noise he made sounded disgusting, especially when he swallowed it back down. “Grab Producer and take him home.”

“You should go. Before we have to take care of you too,” Ryu nodded. “Do pheromones make you sick?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t been around them in years.” Seiji quickly made his way over to the door, keeping his nose and mouth covered with his hand. “You stay here and make sure nobody comes in. Keep the door locked until I get back with Producer.”

Ryu did exactly that, even though he was sure he wouldn’t be much help with how lightheaded he was starting to become. Like Seiji, he hadn’t been exposed to omega pheromones in a long time – not since the beginning of high school when the last of his classmates were presenting. His school had been particularly old fashioned, preferring to keep alphas and betas in a separate building rather than risk something happening. It had seemed stupid at the time, but now he couldn’t help but feel like it made some sense.

Grabbing a free chair from the vanity, Ryu walked back to Hideo. “Hideo-san, you should probably sit down. Seiji should be back soon.” He leaned in closer to put the chair down, trying to steel himself through the knot in his stomach as the edges of his vision blurred.

Hideo struggled to straighten himself out before ultimately sitting down. He curled in on himself, arms resting on his knees as he kept his head low. Behind his bangs, already damp at the roots from sweat, his face was a light pink. “It’s only been a few weeks. This isn’t fair.”

Ryu squatted down, placing a hand on Hideo’s knee. “You can handle this, I know you can.”

“Something’s wrong with me. It can’t just be irregularity.” He groaned a little, leaning down more. “I’m dying. There’s no way. I’m just going to die.”

“You’re not going to die. You’ve made it through before.” Ryu scooched closer, even though a better part of his judgement was telling him to keep some distance. At that moment, though, all he could think of was Hideo and how he wanted to know what exactly made that sweet smell. “I’ll make sure of it.”

Hideo looked up, eyes dilated. He shifted quickly and placed his head on Ryu’s shoulder, turning to face the inside of his neck. “It smells like a campfire…” he mumbled, muffled as he pressed against Ryu’s skin while inhaling “and vanilla.”

“Hideo-san…”

“I can’t go home like this. I’ll never make it. Something bad will happen.”

“No, don’t say that. I’ll go with you if I have to.” Ryu reached up, pulling Hideo closer as he carded fingers through his hair. The blurry edges of his vision were now starting to grow dark, and the knot in his stomach turned into a persistent ache. If he leaned in just a bit more, he could probably fit between Hideo’s legs and get close enough to dip his hands down the jumpsuit that was hanging loosely around his hips. He quickly tried to shake the thought away, but it persisted in the back of his mind. “Just focus on me.”

“Make it stop, Ryu. Please.” Hideo’s voice strained in a way that made it sound like a whine, desperation overtaking any little bit of reason. “I can’t keep going like this. I can’t keep being so useless.”

Ryu swallowed, realizing that there was an excessive amount of saliva in his mouth. Every breath Hideo took against his neck felt like it was going to set him on fire. His leg twitched under Ryu’s hand with each shift, and he could vaguely feel Hideo’s own hands grabbing at his shirt. The dirty, less rational voice in his head was screaming – wondering if Hideo tasted as sweet as he smelled, or if his voice sounded as amazing when he was begging compared to when he sang. He’d never been with anyone before, after all. He couldn’t help but be curious. “You’re not useless…” he choked out, trailing his hand up higher on Hideo’s leg. “You’re so far from useless.”

Hideo made soft noise, pressing his face in farther.

“Tell me to stop.”

“No.”

“Seiji and Producer will be back any minute...”

“I’m not going to make it that long.”

Ryu gently pulled Hideo’s head away from his neck, cupping his cheek. His own breath felt like it was coming in shorter spurts as he looked him over. The blue in Hideo’s eyes was mostly gone, and he looked unfocused. His brain felt like he was trying to swim through quicksand, and he felt a million miles away even as he was talking. “Tell me to stop, or I won’t.”

They wound up on the dirty, musty couch – the very same one they had complained about earlier that day. Lying over Hideo, the smell just seemed even stronger, and it was clear this wasn’t the first time it had seen this kind of action. As he pulled the rest of Hideo’s outfit down, along with his underwear, Ryu felt himself getting more and more lost.

He only snapped back to full attention a few minutes later, as he felt himself pull out. Hideo was on his hands and knees, lying under him and shaking, a mess starting to trail down the inside of his thighs. As his senses slowly started to come back, Ryu noticed the taste of blood in his mouth and the sound of someone pounding on the door, calling their names. He brought his hand up to feel at his lips – no bites, no cuts – and he didn’t feel like he’d bitten his tongue. A chill rushed over his body and he quickly looked down at Hideo.

On the back of Hideo’s neck, right at the nape and just below his hairline was a deep, fresh impression of Ryu’s teeth.

Hideo looked over his shoulder. The corners of his eyes were red with tears and he no longer seemed completely disoriented, but his condition didn’t look like it had fully improved. Ryu felt something catch in his chest.

Clearly, they still weren’t done.

* * *

It had been awkward to explain when Producer, along with Amehiko of all people, had managed to break through the lock on the door. Still, the both of them had done their best to move them to more secure accommodations and let their loved ones know what was going on. For three days, they holed up in a love hotel near the television studio. Ryu, quite selfishly, wanted to say it was the best three days of his life.

When it came to matters of sex, Ryu only knew about it in a second-hand nature. In high school, there had been whispers about heats and ruts, and how they were basically just marathons of nonstop sex. Regular sex was great too, sure, but apparently _nothing_ could compare to that. He was never sure how much of it was truth and exaggeration, but for the sake of his teenage reputation he played along.

Going through it for real, however, made him realize that there was so much more to it than just sex. While it was happening, obviously, his rut also meant he had the adrenaline to keep up with Hideo’s other needs. Along with sex, he had to have the foresight to make sure they were both eating and drinking water, that the two of them stopped if they needed a break, or if something he was doing wasn’t enough. He had to be extra emotional support if Hideo’s hormones took over or if he needed any aftercare. Being a good alpha, being a good _partner_, had many facets.

By late afternoon on the last day of their shared heat and rut, everything finally started to slow down. Ryu was sitting on the edge of their messy, unkempt bed, with Hideo straddling his lap. The setting sun spilled in through the windows, making the room feel cozy despite the chill outside. He trailed his hands down Hideo’s sides, thumbs rubbing at his hip bones. “Are you okay?”

Above him Hideo nodded, eyes drifting off to the side with embarrassment. “Yeah…” he managed, voice raspy, “I think it’s finally over.”

With a nod, Ryu gently helped him sit down next to him on the bed. He pulled off the condom and tied it off before standing up, “I’m going to grab something to clean off, do you need anything?”

Hideo paused for a bit, thinking it over before answering, “There should be some pills – they’re white and circular. You’ll probably find them in one of those containers that you have to pop out.”

“Right! Got it!” Ryu looked between the two of them before feeling the tips of his ears get warm. He grabbed his underwear off the floor, trying to pull them on while holding the used condom.

“You’re gonna pop it! Just put them on after you throw it out, it’s not like I haven’t seen it!”

“Ah, you’re right!” He tripped over himself as he rushed into the bathroom. He tossed the condom into the wastebasket, before grabbing a washcloth to clean himself off and then putting his underwear back on. He threw another one under the faucet, letting it get wet as he grabbed the package of pills Hideo had mentioned and a glass. He rung out the washcloth and tossed it over his shoulder, filling the glass before turning off the tap for good.

He walked back into the room and handed Hideo the pills first. As Hideo popped them out of the package and into his mouth, Ryu asked, “Are those really going to work?” He handed over the glass.

Hideo took a sip, swallowing before answering, “They’re supposed to work within the first couple of days. I’ve used them plenty of times before.” He chugged down the rest of the glass before trading it with Ryu for the washcloth. “We were safe the rest of the time anyway, so it’ll be fine.”

“I’m surprised you can say that when you’ve been pregnant before.” He placed the glass down on an end table and laughed as Hideo’s glare followed him, somehow finding it funny even though it was terrifying. He only stopped when the used washcloth hit him in the face, “Ew! Gross! Why, Hideo-san?”

“Oh my god, it’s not like you haven’t done worse the last few days.” Despite saying that, Hideo was looking at him softly when Ryu moved the washcloth away. He crawled up the bed, lying on his stomach as he curled under the covers, “I just want to lie down for a bit before we actually clean up. We’ll have to see if someone can drop off fresh clothes or something too.”

“Um, yeah, alright. That’s fine…” Ryu answered, now feeling completely out of place. He wasn’t sure where to put himself in the room – one of the chairs, maybe the edge of the bed? – or if he should wait it out in the bathroom. He didn’t want to ask either, because that just seemed like it would make it worse.

Luckily, he didn’t have to because Hideo spoke up first. “Ryu, you know by now I like to cuddle afterwards. Despite everything, you’re still my friend.”

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, “Right, what was I thinking?” He made his way over to the bed and slid next to Hideo, loosely laying his arm over his waist. “We’re really still friends?”

“Yeah, as long as you want to be.”

In all honesty, he wanted to be more than that. Especially after the few days they’d had together, he wanted to be Hideo’s everything. Nothing would satisfy him more than to lean in, kiss him (because they’d done almost everything except _that_), and ask if they could try. But Hideo hadn’t made it clear if he felt the same way, so bringing that into the open could ruin what they did have. He figured he could also, selfishly, ask if they could be friends with benefits, but even that felt like it could cross a delicate line.

So instead of all of that, he just nodded. “Of course I do.”

“Then that settles it.” Hideo laughed, which just tugged at Ryu’s heart even more and made him want to take back the idea of just being friends. Hideo kept speaking, though. “Katsuhiko’s going to be really upset that I’ve been MIA for the past couple of days. Even when I’m away, I try to call him a couple of times a day.”

Mentioning Katsuhiko made Ryu’s mind trail back to more important things. “I’m sure he’ll understand once he finds out his dad was, uh, sick, I guess.” He trailed his hand up Hideo’s back, fingers catching every knob in his spine before resting on the bonding mark on the back of his neck. The bite had been deep, but with Ryu’s care it had already started to heal very well. “I never apologized.”

Things were quiet between the two of them for just a second, but for Ryu it felt like an eternity. Bonding Hideo, and not getting bonded back in return, meant a lot of things. On impulse, he had completely changed his friend’s life and there wouldn’t be any way to go back. If there was anything Hideo would be mad about, it would be this.

Instead, Hideo shrugged and adjusted himself. “It’s fine,” he said, voice quiet, before burying his head in the pillow. “I wasn’t planning on having any more children after Katsuhiko anyway.”

Ryu wondered why that last bit seemed to stab so deeply in his chest. He wanted to press and ask if that was really true. At the end of the day, though, despite what they had been through together, it wasn’t his business. He just had to accept things the way they were. But as long as the two of them could remain friends, that was enough for him.

He traced the mark again before bringing his arm back down to his previous position. He moved in closer, “Let’s get some sleep, Hideo-san. We’re going to have a lot to catch up with.”

Hideo made a non-committal noise, but still leaned into his touch. “Ryu, thank you.”

They were both asleep in no time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone: Doku...that's not how morning after pills work  
I know that. You know that. But does Hideo know that? Think about it. But hey, we're finally getting to the plot.
> 
> For anyone curious about a progress report, I'm currently writing the seventh chapter. I'm not nearly as far along as I thought I would be at this point and I'm going back to work this week, but it's also gotten significantly easier to write now that some stuff is falling into place. \o/ 
> 
> Shout out again to Psi for beta-ing. Anyway, hit me up on Twitter if you wanna scream about Hideo's sidememo because I'm FREAKING OUT. I've already written too much for it to reflect on _Upgrade_, but yeah. 
> 
> <strike>Also I might have dropped some hints for a side story here. Wink wink.</strike>


End file.
